Dealing with Difficult People

When we became followers of Jesus Christ, God adopted us into His forever family.

We belong together because we belong to God’s spiritual family. God has called us to serve Him by serving together and by serving others. People matter to God, and how we invest in the lives of others is crucial. What we choose to do together has immediate and eternal implications.

Living in a fallen world generates the need for personal renewal and team revitalization. Renewal is essential for unity, spiritual maturity, and longevity in ministry. Renewing your vision and passion for life and ministry honors God and benefits others.

Vision enables you to see life from God’s perspective and to maximize opportunities God places before you. Vision allows you to see what God wants you to seize for His glory. God invites you into His story and gives you eyes of faith to see what the eyes of flesh fail to see. Renew your vision for joining God’s activity. Passion is the fuel to fulfill God’s vision. God does not expect you to live the Christian life in your own strength. Doing God’s work God’s way demands God’s power. To join God in His activity will require the enablement God provides as you walk with Him in full surrender. Let God ignite your passion to put His compassion into action.

Motion causes friction! When you are on mission with God you can expect opposition. As you fulfill the vision God gives you with the passion God supplies for you, expect the enemy to generate tension. Often the friction you encounter as you are on mission with God is related to difficult people that come into your path.

“Conflict is an ongoing reality in a fallen world.
Conflict is an opportunity to glorify God.
Conflict will be absent when we get to heaven.”

Why does God allow difficult people into your life?

1. To sand off the rough edges in your life.

God doesn’t waste pain or problems that arise in your life. He uses them for your good and for His glory. Sometimes God will bring a difficult person into your life to help develop Christlikeness in you.

2. To produce the fruit of the Spirit in your life.

If you are lacking patience, God will often bring a difficult person into your life to help you develop that feature of the fruit of the Spirit. Maybe you are lacking in the arena of love, so God brings a person into your life who is a major challenge for you to love, to develop that expression of the fruit of the Spirit through you.

3. To feature God’s grace needed in your life.

When you feel inadequate to handle a difficult person who has entered your sphere of influence, you are positioned for a special encounter of God’s grace. Your dependency upon God will be elevated and your need for God’s grace will be expanded when you encounter the strain of a difficult person.

Encouragement to Embrace When Difficult People Occupy Your Space:

1. Recognize that people are not the enemy, but the enemy uses people.

Your spouse is not your enemy. Your boss is not your enemy. Your co-worker is not your enemy. Your children are not your enemy. Satan is your enemy, and he is the real enemy that you combat in this fallen world. The enemy uses people to accomplish his agenda of getting people distracted from being on mission with God. Sometimes the enemy will use good people.

2. Look at the person behind the behavior and remember that hurting people hurt people.

Every individual has a story. Every individual has a history. When you encounter a difficult person, try to ask yourself this vital question, “Why do they act the way they do?” Try to get to know the person behind the behavior to discover the reason behind the toxic expressions that make them difficult. Hurting people hurt people!

3. Know that God’s grace keeps pace with everything you face.

God knows where you are, and He knows how you feel right now. View trials as the canvas upon which the providence of God is painted. Remember that God knows, God sees, and God rewards. His grace will keep you in the race. His grace will sustain you when you fall flat on your face. Keep your eyes on the prize!

Action Steps to Take:

Pray for Your Enemies.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” Matthew 5:43-44 (ESV). Confront the Difficult Person by Practicing Matthew 18.

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector” Matthew 18:15-17 (ESV).

Forgive the Difficult Person Just as God Has Forgiven You.

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” Ephesians 4:32 (ESV). When you forgive the difficult person, you are not doing anything God has not already done for you. You are choosing to forgive that person just as God has forgiven you.

Remember that forgiveness is immediate; trust takes time. Just because you extend forgiveness towards someone who has wounded you does not mean that you will be able to trust that person immediately.

They must demonstrate trustworthiness over a period of time before you can trust them again. Choose to forgive so you can live a life that brings honor to God and benefits others!

—Dr. Stephen Trammell

(Originally published in the MAY 2017 Magazine)